I know sometimes you feel like who you are and what you have to offer will never be enough. In fact, most days, the daunting task of taking away the pain I’m feeling is so overwhelming, you feel like it wouldn’t make a difference if you just gave up altogether. But you don’t, and you never will, because you’re not doing this for you – you’re doing this for me. Everything you do is thought out exhaustively with me in mind. And I just want to let you know that everything you’re doing is enough. And YOU are enough.
I’m sorry that my sickness has changed things. It’s changed where we can go since we can’t go to crowded places or be far away from my doctors, it’s changed the way I feel and the way I act. It’s changed the way you care for me and the way you care for our family. It’s changed our routine, our “normal”. What is normal, anyway?
I’m sorry that sometimes you stay up at night and cry because you don’t understand why God let me get sick. But you know what, mamma? God is still God, even when we don’t get it.
Some days it feels like cancer runs our life. But you never let cancer run me, mamma.
When you tell me everything’s going to be okay, I believe it. When you hug me, the fear flees. See, Jesus is holding me on this journey through you.
Please don’t ever think your words aren’t enough. You could sit beside me and hold my hand and never say a word, and it would change my world because it is you holding my hand.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to say the perfect words at the perfect time or take the pain away or fight the cancer for me. You’re my mamma, and because you’re with me, I can fight the cancer myself. You make me brave and strong. YOU are brave and strong. You’re my hero.
I don’t have the words to thank you for making who I am, mamma.
But I hope to be half the person you are someday.
I hope to change the world and impact lives like you’ve changed and impacted mine.
I love you to the moon and back and past the stars.
You’re the greatest mom in the universe.
Love you with all my heart,
The daughter who had cancer