Maybe your social media newsfeed and stories aren’t like mine, but if they are, then you know there are a lot of females (and some males, for that matter) that are obsessed with The Bachelor and/or The Bachleorette.
This always becomes more and more obvious as the finale approaches and everyone begins sharing their opinion on the elimination process. A few years ago, I decided to see what all the hype was about. I tuned into The Bachelorette during the season with JoJo Fletcher and Jordan Rodgers. I watched a few episodes with my sister, never quite understanding what all the hype was about. (Other than the fact that on a scale of 1-10, Jordan Rodgers is an 11. Just keepin’ it real.) Nothing about it was addicting. To me, the guys were ridiculous and immature with the exception of maybe one decent catch who held the door for her and wasn’t pushing her to be physical all the time.
But here’s the thing: I will never forget sitting on my couch watching JoJo in a room with a guy as they began intimately kissing during his privileged 5 minute opportunity to express himself. In the midst of this, another guy came in and whisked her away into the next room, pushed her against a wall, and began his turn intensely making out with her.
I vocalized my thought…If any girl actually did this, she would be called quite an array of names. This is not okay. Making out with one guy in a room and then walking into the next room to make out with another guy is not okay. The only reason this is acceptable is because it’s on TV.
In shock and heartbroken, I turned it off right then and I haven’t watched it since.
Because this is what infuriates me with a burning righteous anger:
We cannot watch and provide ratings for a show that so demoralizes women and then turn around and get mad when men objectify us.
How can you possibly justify the actions on this show and then criticize guys for being so sexual? She is per-missing it, and you are per-missing it by condoning it as you watch it happen.
I want you to seriously ask yourself this question: Would you call out a friend who carried herself the way the girls on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette do?
Or, would you love her enough to tell her that she’s worth so much more?
Think of the little girls you hold in your arms, the teenagers who struggle so deeply with self-worth and insecurity…do you want them watching a show where relationships are based on physical attraction, surface level activities that people have in common, and “chemistry”?
I don’t. I want the girls I love and shepherd to know that relationships are built on a mutual love and passion for Jesus, the things His heart beats for, the partnering together for the furthering of the gospel and the direction He’s called you to walk in life. It’s not about luxury dream vacations, it’s about changing the world. It’s about knowing that love is a choice and commitment is a choice and you can’t choose who you commit your lifetime of love to based on a long walk on the beach. You need to see them under stress. When things aren’t going their way and you’re not in a ballgown and life is just flat out hard.
We wonder why divorce rates are as equally high in the church as they are outside of the church, yet we’re spending our free time filling our mind with a process that eliminates someone based on convenience.
This is just my opinion, but if we’re being brutally honest with ourselves, we cannot be for the way Hollywood sexualizes women and relationships and also be pro-woman.
It would be terribly difficult to explain why we are upset over sex trafficking when we have so desensitized ourselves to sex that we’re okay with literally watching the same girl makeout with two different guys within minutes of one another.
It would also be really challenging for me to talk with a teenager on why sex is an awesome gift to be enjoyed within marriage and she has more value than she realizes when I’m glorifying people just giving themselves away like a handshake.
I just think that we have to do better than this for things to change. We have to start with ourselves and hold ourselves to higher standards before we can lead others. We have to know what we’re okay with and what we stand for and what we’ll allow. What happened when I tried watching The Bachelor is I realized how far gone we are…that we’re okay with watching other women devalue themselves for entertainment purposes as long as we’re not personally connected to them. But really, we are. Because they represent our “anything goes” culture of acceptance where sex is treated like a friendly exchange instead of the deepest expression of intimacy. A culture where we have to fight for women and children to be free instead of sold for sex. We have to do better at loving them enough to say, “You’re worth more than this.” We have to love them enough to change the channel. But do we?